The Rules of Courtly Love – All 31 of them!

Courtly Love – Part  Three

Eleanor of Aquitaine and Langue d’Oc

Legal and social attitudes to woman in the south gave them more freedom than their northern counterparts and, in the 12th century France, we find Eleanor of Aquitaine wielded as much power as men in times of peace. She was the granddaughter of William the Troubadour and, as such, was brought up in the courts of the troubadours, listening to the musical poetry of courtly love and speaking langue d’Oc. (See part two for explanation of langue d’Oc.)

At fifteen Eleanor was married to Louis VII, heir to the French throne. Louis did not understand langue d’Oc and his piety and life of prayer did not include the extravagance and splendour to which Eleanor was accustomed. Whilst Louis was madly in love with Eleanor, he did not have the kind of power and prestige that could capture her heart. Eventually Eleanor was able to get an annulment and she married Henry Plantagenet. Henry was a highly educated, cultured man who appreciated the arts and spoke langue d’Oc. This was a man who would indulge Eleanour’s love for the finer things.

Abbey of Fontevraud in France – burial place for Eleanor and Henry

Any lover worth his salt was said to be cortes, a word that means both courteous and courtly. Cortesia was a vital aspect of troubadour love. The lover’s cortesia consisted in not being miserly but not indulging in lavish exhibitions, not boasting but not necessarily keeping total secrecy, not being too forward but not hanging on every word, either. The term for this is menzura – the golden mean or ‘middle way.’

The more positive virtues admired in a lover were pretz and jovens. A lover was pretz when he had earned esteem through his love; the work is akin to prowess and implying accomplishment. Jovens  embraced generosity and lightness of heart and was linked with the joy d’amour – the lover’s prize.  Joy d’amour embraced a wide range of physical satisfaction to an almost mystical ecstasy. In its purest sense it was associated with the restraint and yearning an unswerving fidelity of fin’ amors – ‘fine love’ – the most refined and valued type of love.

That many stories have been written is testament to the strength of Courtly Love. The most famous of all is probably of Lancelot and Queen Guinevere and here it can be clearly seen the state of joy d’amour. Their love was in its purest form, this mystical adoration of a woman and only after their love was consummated, did it turn against them.

Another version of Courtly Love can be seen in Alfred Tennyson’s poem ‘The Lady of Shalott.’ This poem depicts the unrequited love of a maiden doomed to spend her days locked within a room held by magic. Her only way to watch life outside is to look through a mirror. It is there she sees our hero Lancelot riding by (he does have a lot to answer for, doesn’t he?) and she is so enchanted that she leaves the room to take a boat and sail to the castle so that she may gaze at her love again. But alas! As she leaves the safety of the room, the mirror cracks and the curse is set upon her. By the time she arrives at the castle, she lies dead within the boat. The castle folk gather upon the bridge to stare at her and Lancelot looks at the fair face never knowing her adoration of him was her undoing. Ah, such is courtly love.

In this 14th century example of a troubadour song it uses three voices. The tenor is repeated over and over while the other verses are sung. The idea of Courtly Love was for the lover to present himself as a loyal servant of the lady. If he obeyed her every wish, she may in time console him with love making. If she postponed this healing consolation too long, he might die and poets often used such a threat of death to exert pressure as a form of emotional blackmail – ‘you can commit your charms to me or commit murder by refusing me.’

 MOTEUS

Lady I am one of those who willingly endures your wishes,

So long as I can endure,

But do not think I can endure it for long without dying,

Since you are so hard on me

As if you wanted to drive me away from you,

So I should never again see the great and true beauty

Of your gentle body which has such worth

That you are of all good women the best.

Alas! Thus I imagine my death.

But the pain I shall have to bear would be seet, if I could only hope

That before my death you let me see you again.

 

Lady, if ever my heart undertakes anything which may profit my heart,

It will come from you however far you may be,

For never without you, whom I love very loyally, nor without love, could I undertake it or know it.

 

TRIPLUM

 

Sweet noble heart, I am forbidden to ever see you again

Your fair sweet face which put me on the path oflove

But truly I do not know how I can expect not to hve to die soon.

And if I must abstain to give you pleasure,

Or else be untrue to you,

Then I would rather keep my loyalty

And according to your will – die,

If your heart wished it, than against your will

To receive complete joy by viewing your beauty.

 

TENOR

Sweet noble lady, pretty lady,

I am wounded by love

So that I am sad and pensive

And have no joy or mirth

For to you, my sweet companion,

I have thus given my heart.

 

            Motetus the Poet

 

So now we have discussed the way to a woman’s heart (part one) the ideals of Courtly Love (part two) what exactly then, are the rules?

Here are all 31 of them!

 

1.         Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.

2.         He who is jealous cannot love.

3.         No one can be bound by a double love.

4.         It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.

5.         That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.

6.         Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.

7.         When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.

8.         No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.

9.         No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.

10.       Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.

11.       It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.

12.       A true lover does not desire to embrace in love except his beloved.

13.       When made public love rarely endures.

14.       The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.

15.       Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.

16.       When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved, his heart palpitates.

17.       A new love puts and old one to flight.

18.       Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.

19.       If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.

20.       A man in love is always apprehensive.

21.       Real jealously always increases the feeling of love.

22.       Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.

23.       He whom the thought of love vexes, eats and sleeps very little.

24.       Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.

25.       A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his   beloved.

26.       Love can deny nothing to love.

27.       A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.

28.       A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.

29.       A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.

30.       A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.

31.       Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.

 To say that the rules of Courtly Love are conflicting would be a fair statement. Rule 2 (he who is jealous cannot love) does seem to conflict with rule 21 (real jealously always increases the feeling of love). Rule 30 shows us that ‘a true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved’ and yet if we are to believe the ideals, he cannot be seen to be doing this (he must be restrained in his conduct). The term ‘Menzura – the Golden mean’ or perhaps ‘middle way’ is the key to survival in Courtly Love – not too much and not too little. This too, perhaps depended upon the the individuals for what is too much for one lady, may not be enough for another!

 Rule 31 states that ‘nothing forbids one woman being loved two men or one man by two women’ andyet clearly it is stated that there can be no duplicity of heart. This the, can only apply before the beloved has committed himself or herself to one of the admirers. Love had to be reciprocal and freely granted on both sides and yet it suggests elsewhere that it was not an equal relationship, the beloved was always regarded as the superior being.

That these conflicts exist is probably human nature and yet for a very long time these codes of conduct were used to express feelings of love outside the marriage, gained popularity in society and all in the name of … Courtly Love.

 

 By Cathy T

 

Category Winner of the Chanticleer’s Chatelaine award for Historical Romance for 2013

Courtly Love – Part Two – Duties of a Lover

 

 

 The Troubadour

During this age emerged a class of lyric poets, or troubadours as they become known, whose supreme virtue in their writings was the veneration of women using old Occitan ( Langue d’Oc – a language used in regions of Southern France).** The northern counterpart to a troubadour was a trouvère using their version of Occitan – Langue d’Oil.  It was common for a troubadour to only produce his musical poetry and not to perform it himself (although there are many exceptions), his performing counterpart being the jongleur, meaning juggler.

The Troubadour    

The Jongleur      

At this time the new knights were only occasionally required to fight and the ladies of the court had time on their hands to wile away an idle hour. Hence there was an audience for a new kind of song, free of the burden of tradition and readily appreciated for its novelty. The troubadours were very dependent on the whims of their masters – one court may heap them with honours, others chase them from their gates, yet certain courts were their havens and the decline of their art is directly connected with the rise and fall of these courts. One of those courts was that of Eleanor of Aquitaine.

(NB. The Troubadours way of life, that being seasoned travellers from court to court, died out with the invasion of the plague in the early 14th century. Travelling musicians were then deemed to be carriers of the deadly disease and entrance into courts was forbidden.)

The courts which flourished under the attentions of the troubadours and its likely followers entered into an era whereby you could love outside the bonds of marriage and within the rules of a code. Such rules were idealised by Andreas Capellanus who served as cleric to Marie, the Countess of Champagne, daughter of Eleanor of Aquitaine.

Courtly Love existed as such:

We have a lover and lady. It is assumed that they were both noble. The love which resulted was not designed to lead to marriage so whether or not they had partners is incidental but it was exclusive within the conventions. In other words, it was highly scorned upon to entertain more than one lover at a time and only in very lax circles was that accepted.

It was not an equal relationship. The beloved was always regarded as a superior being. The lover hopes to win his lady’s favour by noble acts, not necessarily deeds of arms, more by the composition of songs, the cultivation of wit and good manners and paying court.

If a lover was adept at pleasing his lady, she might in due course recognise his suit and grant him some token of favour, perhaps after several years. After another period of waiting she might admit him to more physical joys and it was not unknown for her to surrender herself completely. My guess is, that in most cases, it happened sooner rather than later!

On a higher level, it was the harmony between lover and beloved that was all important. Any lover who rebuked his beloved for not giving him what he desired or who asked things which she should not grant, was indeed a fool. Love had to be reciprocal and freely granted on both sides – a complete contrast to the calculating nature of feudal marriage.

It could also be withdrawn if circumstances changed. In the late 12^th century romance of Ille et Galeron, Ille is disfigured in battle and flees from Galeron because he wrongly assumed that she would no longer accept him as her lover. He renounced all hope of consummation – “Since there is never a chance of my seeing her, no wonder I long for her so.”

It was through this turmoil that the lover was supposed to acquire the qualities which brought him nearer to the heights on which his beloved moved. Waiting and delay are a recognised part of Courtly Love.

Courtly Love in society

It must be said that there existed a tension between the lovers and society at large. The Church frowned on such affairs and it can be argued that Courtly Love created its own paradox. In the heart of the lover, two ideas struggle with each other. Should he achieve consummation and thus his own accomplishment diminishing the high worth of the lady he is wooing? Or should he preserve her reputation by foregoing the enjoyment of his love’s favours? Both situations are painful for him. He neither wishes to harm his lady’s honour nor does he wish to completely abandon hope of consummation, the greatest physical gift. It is exactly this ‘neither-nor’ which is the conceptual kernel of Courtly Love. The Church, of course, agreed with this view of keeping one’s love on a higher plane, untouched and forever out of reach, as it suited their beliefs of no consummation outside the marriage.

So, what exactly are the ideals of Courtly Love?

Ideals of Courtly Love

That love means suffering. Before the love becomes equally balanced on both sides (and remember if the lover decides to keep his beloved on a higher plane, it never will), there is no torment greater since the lover is always in fear he may not gain his desire or he is wasting his efforts.

Having gained her love, however, provides very little relief for he is then afraid that what he has acquired may be lost through the efforts of someone else.

Love can only exist between a man and a woman. Between two men or two women, love can find no place. Whatever nature forbids, love is ashamed to accept.

An excess of passion is a bar to love. There are men who are such slaves to passion they cannot be held within the bonds of love. No sooner have they left the arms of one lady than they are warmed within the arms of another. This is lust and has no part.

A lover must appear wise in all respects and restrained in his conduct. He must do nothing disagreeable that may annoy his beloved. If, he should inadvertently do so, let him go straightaway and confess with downcast face and admit his wrong.

If he is with a group of men and should happen upon his beloved in a group of women, he must not try to communicate with her lest some person spying should have the opportunity to spread malicious gossip. Lovers should not even nod to each other unless they are sure that no one is watching.

Every lover should wear things that his beloved like and take reasonable amount of care with his appearance. Not too much, mind you, because excessive care for one’s looks is distasteful.

If a lover is lavish in giving, that will help him retain the love he has acquired.

One who is fitted to be a warrior should see to it that his courage is apparent to everybody.

A lover should always offer his services and obedience freely to every lady. He will overcome pride and be humble. He must remember not to neglect anything that is good manners or that would suggest good breeding.

Love may be indulged in the sweet solaces of the flesh but only in such a manner and in such a number that they may never seem wearisome to be the loved one. Let the lover strive to practice gracefully and mannerly any act or mannerism which he knows to be pleasing to his beloved.

A man should attempt to be constantly in the company of good men and to avoid completely the society of the wicked.

Love decreases when …

 Overabundance – too many opportunities of exchanging solaces; too many opportunities to see the love one, too much chance to talk to each other all decreases love.

An uncultured appearance or manner of walking.

There is a loss of property.

If the lover should appear foolish and indiscreet or goes beyond reasonable bounds in his demands.

If he has no regard for her modesty and will not forgive her bashfulness.

If he is cowardly in battle, unrestrained in speech or spoiled by arrogance.

Blasphemy against God, mockery of the Church and a deliberate withholding of charity from the poor.

If he is unfaithful to a friend or brazenly declares one idea while deceitfully concealing another in his heart.

If he piles up more wealth than is proper or if he is too ready to go to law over trifles.

If an old love ends and a new one begins. There can be no duplicity of the heart.

If one becomes incapable of carrying out love’s duties or if he becomes insane or develops sudden timidity.

In all these cases, love flees and becomes hateful.

Next week – The final part – Rules of Courtly Love – all  31  of them!

Eleanor of Aquitaine

Example of a Troubadour’s song with three voices

** Each region in France had their own local dialect but Southern France, parts of Italy, Spain and Monaco, collectively called Occitania, shared a romance language (Latin language) called Occitan. Gillet and Armand are referred to as speaking this Languedoc (langue d’Oc – literally language of Occitania) in ‘The Lily and the Lion’ (chap 9) as they head north. They are discussing the Albrets after dinner at the inn.

‘Oui’ grumbled Armand, ‘he calls them his army of “blood red” but as long as the Prince keeps the Albret coffers lined with gold, they will continue to support him.’ Both men had slipped into the southern dialect of the Langeudoc, keeping their voices low.  

 By Cathy T

 

    Winner of Chanticleer’s Chatelaine Award for Best Historical Romance 2013